On Friday, March 27th at 4:48 p.m, Kevin and I embarked on our newest adventure together when we welcomed this little man into the world. Weighing 7 pounds, 5 ounces, and measuring 20 inches, he made his debut after a very long and difficult two-day journey. But he’s healthy and so am I, and that is all that matters.It’s a good thing my birth plan was so loosey goosey, because basically every “I hope this doesn’t happen” fear I had came true. I plan on writing out his birth story at some point because I think it would be therapeutic for me, but right now both Kevin and I are still having a hard time processing the whole experience. I look at my actual “birth preferences” sheet that I brought to the hospital and I can’t help but laugh and cry at the same time because literally nothing on it went according to plan. After 38 hours of intense labor and 4 hours of pushing to the point where I thought my eyeballs were going to explode, I ended up having to get a cesarean section. Because of various complications during the surgery, the recovery process has been rough, to say the least. These hormones are no joke, and coupled with the pain and slow recovery of a c-section, well… it’s a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. But it’s getting better every day.
On the bright side, our little dude is fucking awesome and we couldn’t be happier that he picked us to be his parents. He doesn’t have a whole lot of personality yet and his days consist of eating, sleeping, and driving us insane with his “there’s nothing wrong but I’m just going to scream because I feel like it” crying, but we keep getting little sneak peaks of what he’s going to be like and we can’t wait to get to know him as his personality starts to emerge. We have absolutely no idea what we are doing but apparently this is normal. When we left the hospital we were like “wait you’re just going to let us leave with him? Shouldn’t we have to take a test or something?” but nope, they just go through a check list and send you on your way! And suddenly you’re sitting in the car driving home at 10 miles an hour scared to go faster than that because holy shit you are responsible for an entire human being and it’s just beyond nuts. Even with him here sleeping next to me I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that we made that.
The insane crazy love they talk about is real. It’s so real it can be overwhelming and scary because you just want to do your very best and constantly worry that you’re not, and your hormones are on crazy overdrive so rational thought ceases to exist. I always thought it was so cliche when people say parenthood is like being part of this secret club, and I still do, but I definitely feel a camaraderie with others that I hadn’t felt before. I just want to give big huge hugs to every mom that had ever had a hard labor and I start to cry every time someone drops off food or sends us an encouraging note to let us know that they’ve been there too and are here to help and that we are not alone.
Everyone tells you how hard the first few weeks are, and theoretically you understand that, but you don’t really get it until you’re actually experiencing it. It’s hard work. It’s work that you are more than happy doing because you love this little person more than you can imagine possible, but it doesn’t make it any easier. And in case you are curious… five or six one-hour naps in a 24 hour period is NOT the same as five or six hours of consecutive sleep. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I had no idea that getting basic tasks done – eating, responding to an email, writing this post – could be such a difficult process. Even watching TV! It took us over three hours to watch the Walking Dead finale, and while that is such a minor thing, it was kind of a eureka moment where we were both like “wow, life really is different now!”
And Kevin… well, I’ll become a big blob of tears if I try to really write it out but Kevin has been the most incredibly amazing supportive person in the entire world. I’m so limited in my mobility so Kevin has to do everything – outside of breastfeeding, I would say he’s doing far more than me. When I was pregnant people kept telling us that the dad doesn’t do much the first few weeks, but that’s not the case when you have a c-section. The dad has to do everything. And Kevin does it all. I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through something like this without someone so supportive and I am so grateful. I love him even more than I did before which is kind of beyond comprehension.
So that’s where we are today. Learning how to live as a family of three, soaking in the good, shrugging off the bad, and taking it day by day.
Ryder needs to work on his modeling cues as he decided to scream like a banshee every time we tried to get a picture of the three of us. He’s apparently not a fan of his easter duck hat either.
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