So. I’ve now been 30 for one week and one day.
I have realized that in blog land, that makes me rather old.
Oh well. I still get mistaken for a teenager so there’s that.
(one time someone even asked if Kevin was my dad! But that is a story for another day.)
(he does not particularly like that story.)
Though life at 30 hasn’t really seemed very different than life at 29 (or 28 or 27, for that matter), now that I’ve had time to become accustomed to this new age, I thought I’d share with you my personal guide to turning 30 in style!
How To Have a Fantastic 30th Birthday
Wake up. Have your husband gather bring you coffee and breakfast. Thank him for being the best husband ever.
Sit on the floor and open your presents. Ohh and ahh over fabulous gifts! Declare “I love being 30!”
Go to work. Get little to nothing done for the first few hours because you are too busy responding to birthday wishes.
Have one of your best friends send you the most amazing bouquet of flowers you’ve ever received and feel like royalty!
Let your mom and step-dad take you to a fancy lunch. Order something fattening and delicious.
Have your best friend fly in to spend the day with you. Freak out when you see her and proceed to act like you are 12.
Go back to work. Try to get work done. Fail miserably.
Leave work right at five and head directly to a bar for happy hour. Hope that some of your friends join you.
Order two for one cocktails. Start to drink.
Relive a bit of Costa Rica when your friend Heather arrives and gives you a lovely Avocado birthday cake!
Realize that there are almost 20 people at the bar just for you and do a little jump for joy and have an OMG HOW LUCKY AM I moment.
Have random dudes come up and ask what this party is for. Tell them it’s for your birthday and then smile with pride when they tell you how good looking all of your friends are.
Take lots of pictures and revel in how blessed you are to have so many great people in your life.
Proceed to get intoxicated and close out the bar. Go home with best friends and act like you are back in college by ordering Dominoes Pizza and drinking late into the night.
Wake up massively hungover. Pat yourself on the back for planning ahead by taking the day off. Have your husband go buy some bagels. Make coffee. Pour a massive amount of baileys into it.
Snuggle in bed with your best friend and watch Magic Mike. Rewind the naked scenes multiple times hoping to see some peen.
Do nothing but eat and watch movies for most of the day.
Finally leave the house for some tacos and margaritas.
Put your best friend in a lyft to the airport because of the margaritas.
Fast forward to the weekend. Reserve a private room somewhere so that you can have an official “30th Birthday Party.”
Create your own drink menu featuring your friends
Proceed to drink multiple Spillerenas and Mevins.
Once officially toasted, take pictures and sneakily grab your friends boobs.
(side note – when I drink my affinity for my friends’ breasts comes out in full force.You can see evidence of this here and here, among other places I’m sure.)
Be lucky enough to have a friend with a cupcake company so that you are treated to the best cupcakes in San Francisco. Better than Kara’s and Sprinkles, I tell you!
Blow out sparklers.
In the process live up to your Spillerena nickname and drop/break your wine glass.
Dance some more!
Close out the bar.
Go home and be thankful for your life and all the wonderful amazing people in it.
There you have it. My guide to a fantastic 30th birthday.