“Forget about having it all, or not having it all,
leaning in or leaning out …
Here’s what nobody is telling you:
Find a husband on campus before you graduate.
Yes, I went there.”
Okay friends. I’m sure by now you’ve heard about the article Susan Patton, a 1977 Princeton graduate, wrote in the Daily Princetonian, “Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had,” in which she says that women (who are we kidding… girls, really) in college need to forget about having it all, and instead, find a husband. This may be old news to you, but I’m a little late to this party and didn’t really hear about it until this morning.
I mean… I just… what?!? I am completely and utterly dumbfounded by this lady.
Her article goes on to say:
“Here is another truth that you know, but nobody is talking about. As freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of incoming freshman men. So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have four classes of women to choose from. Maybe you should have been a little nicer to these guys when you were freshmen?”
Okay, so I didn’t go to Princeton. I went to what Ms. Patton would probably consider a college of “no name recognition,” so perhaps I’m just not up to date with how Ivy Leaguers think, but let me tell you, if you told me when I was 18 that I needed to make sure I’d found myself a husband by the time I was 22? I would have freaked the eff out. In what universe is this woman living in if she thinks that most college kids are ready to get married? Most people at 22 and 23 years old are still trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of this life of theirs. I don’t believe that marriage is something most 22 year old kids are ready for. I mean, how can you argue that guys doing repulsive crap like this are ready to get married? Give me a break.
(although I’m sure Ms. Patton would say “Princeton students don’t act like that.”) (and as a side note, nor did anyone at my college. that I know off, at least.)
Now, I know not everyone is like this. Some of you out there married young, and it has worked great for you. I think that is wonderful! Many of my good friends met their future spouses in college, and that’s awesome. But I don’t think that is the norm, nor do I think anyone should feel any pressure that it should be.
I met my husband when he was 30. And I’m so thankful I did, because I can pretty much guarantee that if I met him when he was in college, we would not have clicked. At all. He needed to grow up. I needed to grow up. We both needed to “sow our wild oats” and get some stuff out of our system before we were mature enough to decide to spend our lives together. If I met him in college, I honestly don’t think it would have worked out between us. Which is why I’m very glad I didn’t meet him in college. Because he’s the one for me, and that would have been sad.
Also, why is it okay for men to date younger women but not the opposite way around? Granted, Kevin is older than me, so that doesn’t apply to me to now, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with women dating younger men. Most of the guys I dated pre-Kevin were younger than me. Two of the happiest married people I know are in a relationship in which the wife is five years older than her husband. And how does this work with same-sex couples? This is not 1950.
Some of my cousins attended a very religious private college, and if I were to ask them what they thought of this “advice,” they would probably agree with it. Because they went to school to get their MRS degree. They would actually say this to me, jokingly, but not really. They all found their husbands in college, got married during their senior year or shortly thereafter, and then quickly had kids and became stay at home moms. For them, this was the right decision, so I know that there are people out there that may agree with this advice. I’m not naive enough to think that my liberal SF views are the norm, either.
But I don’t think that college girls should be aspiring to find their husbands. I think they should be aspiring to “have it all” and to “lean in” and to kick ass and become an awesome, smart, independent young woman! If they happen to find a husband while achieving those things, more power to them! But let’s keep our priorities in order, shall we.
I’m very thankful that Ms. Patton isn’t my mother, or my mother-in-law. And I already feel for the poor women who marry into that family! Can you imagine?
And… end rant.
Have you read Ms. Patton’s article? What’s your take on it?
It’s Friday! Yay!
1 / 2 / 3 / 4
A few random updates/things to share:
1. I made these sweet potato veggie burgers for dinner last night, and they were fantastic! Super easy to make, though it did take me a bit longer than I expected. Kevin and I skipped the buns to go low-carb, but honestly, it was so good you didn’t even need the bread. And the garlic yogurt sauce was incredible.
2. Kevin had LASIK yesterday, and is, so far, completely fine! He is basically having the exact opposite of the experience I had. Before the surgery Kevin told the surgeon that he was pretty nervous about it considering everything that happened to me, and the surgeon said that out of the 75,000 LASIK surgeries he has performed, it had been 10 years since he had a case with complications like mine. So… lucky me! I keep saying to him “what do you mean your eyes aren’t burning? why aren’t your eyes constantly tearing? It seriously doesn’t hurt to open your eyes or blink? How is this possible?” Welcome to what a normal LASIK recovery is like. *And regarding the picture, considering that Kevin is bald, we were extremely confused as to why they had him wear a hairnet?
3. After reading Julie’s stellar recommendation, I downloaded the audio book version of The Handmaid’s Tale (I had an audible credit from all the books I listened to while recovering from LASIK), and holy moly, it was such a great book! I’m absolutely shocked that it was written in 1985, because I feel like it is so relevant to today. I’m also shocked that I hadn’t already read it. Also, it was narrated by Claire Danes, and she killed it. She was insanely good. Now THAT is what a good audio book narrator is supposed to sound like.
4. The SF blogger meetup that Stephanie and I put together is turning into a real legit thing! Not that it wasn’t a legit thing before, but it started with a handful of women, and now we’re at 20. Kind of crazy. I got an email from last night from a blogger who said she heard about it through an ALT class, which I think is rather awesome. If it keeps on growing, we may need to find a bigger venue. What a wonderful problem to have!
Other than that, I’m looking forward to this weekend immensely. I’ll be spending tomorrow celebrating a friend’s 30th birthday in Sonoma, and on Sunday I’ll be getting together with some friends for a boozy Easter brunch. Food and wine and friends. My favorite kind of weekend.
What are you all up to this weekend?
I came across this coaster and loved it so much that I knew it had to live here on my blog too. In case you’re having a hard time reading it, it says:
Have ANOTHER drink,” he says, “for it
will make you more ATTRACTIVE, funny,
BEAUTIFUL and wise.”
“No,” say I. “For I am STRONG and SENSIBLE,
and drinking will not do those things you say.”
“Alas,” says he, “then I am surely DOOMED.
For if you do not keep me WET, it is my fate to DIE.”
So drink I do… and drink and drink and
DRINK. For NEVER would I have the
HEART to let a Little Person DIE.
I’ve shared my love of Edward Monkton before, but this print just takes the cake. My favorite one yet.
Don’t worry little person, I will never let you die!
Scene: Saturday afternoon. Kevin and I have just left a store in San Francisco, and I am hungry. We pop into a market across the street, which offers a plethora of processed foods, cheeses, and pizza. I decide to walk a block to an organic market I thought I saw, and buy something a little more healthy.
Me: In what world would I ever forgo pizza and instead choose to walk a block to get kombucha and a curried tofu wrap?!?!
Kevin: It’s awesome! I’m so proud of how healthy we’ve been eating.
Me: Me too! And I’ve been thinking that we should start to make our own granola!
Kevin: Oh for sure. And we should also throw out those eggs we just bought since we’re going to the farmers market tomorrow and they’re not organic.
Kevin: We’re turning into f***ing hippies.
Okay, so if you know us in real life, you would know that Kevin and I are not remotely hippies (at least my definition of hippie). But, lately we’ve been on a healthy clean eating kick, and we love it. We’ve been trying to eat a mostly plant-based Mediterranean diet, limiting the amount of dairy, gluton, and animal protein we eat, and it’s been great. The more I learn about food the more horrified I become by so many things I used to eat without thinking twice about. When you realize just how much shit goes into some of the stuff you’re eating, it’s a lot easier to turn it down. Don’t get me wrong… if I’m craving a burger or a piece of pizza, I’m going to have one, but we’re trying our best to make conscious healthy decisions regarding what we put into our body when we’re at home.
All of this new found knowledge (thank you Kris Carr!) has been empowering, but it’s also made us kind of crazy about food, and shopping, and where we shop. Our new favorite grocery store is your quintessential hippie health store. In this process I’ve realized that when you start to really care about where you shop and what you eat, you start to get the hippie label. Which isn’t a bad thing, by any means, but it cracks me up that caring about food and chemicals and parabens and nitrates, etc., we’re suddenly living what some people consider to be a hippie lifestyle.
But you know what? If caring about what I eat and trying to avoid chemical ridden carcinogenic products makes me a hippy, than peace out friends! I’ll take it.
Hello friends. Happy Friday! I feel like I say this all. the. time. but this week felt particularly long. My weekend in Tahoe was wonderful but it also kind of kicked my ass. Staying up late drinking into the wee hours of the morning really takes it out of me. I just can’t hang like I used to.
Lately I feel like my blog has been a bit… blah, and I’m not really sure how to snap out it this blahness. I’ve been feeling rather uninspired. I’ll have these random ideas for blog posts float through my head, but then whenever I sit down to write about them… nothing comes. So I apologize if my blog has been less than engaging lately. (and yes, I know I shouldn’t have to apologize for my blog, but since it is my blog, I can do what I want. and what I want to do is apologize for being boring.) (really I’m apologizing to myself.)
I’ve also started to feel really blah about my apartment, and I think maybe that is carrying over to my blog? That sounds crazy, I know. But I go home and I look around and I feel blah, and then I start to think of all the things I want to do to anthropologie it up and make it feel more “blogworthy,” and then I get overwhelmed and do nothing. I have lived in our apartment for three years, which is the longest I’ve lived anywhere consecutively since I was 18, and in a way I think being stationary for this long has made me feel… stagnant. I’m used to moving and purging and redecorating every couple of years. So now I want to paint a wall or redecorate a room or do… something.
I want my apartment to magically look just like this. And by magic I mean I want Emily Henderson to come over and redo it while I’m sleeping and then not charge me for it.
Last night Kevin and I got into a little tiny stupid argument, (mostly) my fault, about our extra room. You see, our apartment is small, and because of that, our second bedroom tends to morph into that of a storage unit.* And last night I went into it and stared around and then dramatically declared “I HATE THIS ROOM! WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING AN EXTRA ROOM IF WE JUST USE IT AS A CLOSET!” When Kevin looked at me dubiously, I continued: “I’VE WANTED TO MAKE THIS INTO A REAL GUEST ROOM FOR OVER A YEAR! BUT YOU NEVER HELP ME!” This is pretty much the opposite of true, so Kevin was less than pleased. The truth is that he offers to help me all the time, but I am exceptionally lazy and often say “I don’t feel like it, let’s do it another day.” And then he shrugs and says okay. And then I blame him later. Oh, marriage! (And yes, I apologized).
All of this is to say that I think I need to spice things up a bit, here on my blog and also in my apartment. A spring cleaning will do me some good. Purge and clean and update. And maybe then the inspiration will start flowing again.
Or maybe I just need to stop reading so many design blogs?
Probably the latter.
Anyway, how are you all doing? What’s new in your neck of the woods? Any of you feeling the same blah as me?
*Our friend Jesse refers to this as our “room of shame,” because 95% of the time when he comes over the door is shut and I tell him not to go in there. It’s like Monica’s secret closet.