“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.“
The above is from a McSweeney’s post my friend Shannon emailed to a few people yesterday. Shannon is one of those people that tend to go crazy over decorative dining and entertaining (and I don’t feel bad saying that because she fully admits it), so this article was pretty much sums up her obsession in an awesome tongue-in-cheek way.
As for me, I am not so good at the whole seasonal decor thing. While I love to entertain and have friends over for dinner, I get impressed with myself if I use placemats and chargers. I blame this mostly on living in a small apartment, but I think some of it has to do with the fact that I didn’t grow up in a household that decorated seasonally. It just wasn’t something my family did. So seasonal dining decor? I’m so not there yet, but I imagine with a house (and kids), I’ll be all about it.
Anyway, a couple of hours after Shannon sent that post, our friend Rachel responded with the following:
“Funny enough, look what I bought after work on my way to the gym! I was even thinking to myself ‘I am so excited it’s really fall now!‘ and ‘these white pumpkin gourd things are going to be the best contrast against my dark wood console!‘ I’m so guilty!”
Accompanying the email was this picture:
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As McSweeney’s so eloquently put it…
Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!
Do you get into the seasonal decor thing?
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Just wait for December book club. It’s going to be seasonal decorating mind-fuck of tinsel, cranberry-infused cocktails and miniature pine cones that aren’t even native to this part of California. I might even install one of those indoor fake snow machines so you can just feel like you walked into my apartment and stumbled right into Santa’s snowglobe. The sugarplum fairy and the Ghost of Christmas Past will be there gobbling goodies in the corner.